The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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