What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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