i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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