Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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