is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
