hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
