I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
