No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
