Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
