In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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