last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
