youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
