I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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