party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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