PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
