What a fucking waste of an outfit
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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