This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
