i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
