he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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