My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
