Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
