I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
