I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
