Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
