I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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