Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
