i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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