I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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