I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my poor anus
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
