Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
