apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
