I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
