dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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