I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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