maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
