So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
