I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
