his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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