She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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