He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
