for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
