i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
