Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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