Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
