She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Welp...herpes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
