kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
