I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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