is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
