did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
