i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
