I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
