Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
