You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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