I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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