I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
